Arolyn knows the pain of losing a pet. She has lost several and is very familiar with the grief process. She lost her first dog Rio at 17.5 years old October 2023. That inspired this blog.
The Pain of Pet Loss
Here are some tips.
It is so difficult to lose a pet. For many it is even more painful to lose a pet than a family member. We never argue with them and they give unconditional love and admiration. They follow us constantly and often comfort us when we are down. The loss can be deep and painful. They Are our best friends!
In the beginning stages of bereavement, be sure to recognize your pain is deep, real, meaningful and valid. Anyone who has been fortunate to have that special bond with their furry child knows the pain can feel intolerable. It may be the nauseous feeling when you see a toy they loved. The month or so after your deep loss when you come home and they’re not there to greet you. Or a tuft of lingering detached fur. Its ok to burst into big ugly tears. Its ok to have quiet uncontrollable rain from your eyes for months. I still get the teary eyes on occasion when I think of my “furry child” Rio.
Its ok to hurt, to grieve to mourn. It means you love deeply. And that is a Good thing! You felt the love of a pet which means you were a good fur parent. Let yourself mourn.
Sometimes the loss can bring up some complicated emotions like shame, guilt, filth, misery or other negative feelings. Its ok, underlying things we have tried to avoid often spring up at times of pain. It is important to have somewhere to process those emotions. A therapist doesn’t judge, they just provide a safe space where you can get those negative feelings out and create new neuronal pathways so your heart and mind can heal. I’m happy to help or find someone near you for in person therapy which I believe is at least 50% more effective.
You’ve made it this far. Here’s a little exercise to help you begin your healing journey.
Mindfulness of Emotion: Be mindful of your emotions and their intensity on a scale of 1-10. Emotions are not good or bad and are always changing. One moment, we can be laughing and then crying the next. That’s human.
Ok let’s begin,
- Take a moment, get comfortable in your seat, sit with your back straight, feet on the floor, and your arms uncrossed. If you’re comfortable, Close your eyes or let your gaze fall softly in front of you. Take a few long deep breaths. Feel your lungs expand & watch your breath as it goes in and out. Next bring your attention to your body, noticing every little sensations, just allow yourself to notice. You may feel your heart pounding, the weight of your feet on the floor, your warm hands… Now see if you can an pay attention to what you’re feeling and see if you can name the different emotions. Notice the strength of the feeling 1 – 10. Do not block or resist the emotion just notice it. Feel & experience whatever it is, here & now, in the moment, notice each emotion & how they each flow in and out at different calibers. Try to just let esch one roll over you. Don’t try to analyze your feelings or judge yourself for having them. Just notice. Now notice, what action does each feeling elicit? Now just notice the impulse without acting on it. Now lets give each emotion a notice a space or shape in your mind. What shape would it be? Now give that shape a color and observe that color as it saturates the image, does the shape dissolve or the color conform? Does it get bigger or smaller? How does the emotion then change? Or does it? There is no wrong way to do this. This is Your experience. And as you stay in the moment with your emotions take a curious and open stance. Gently allowing whatever is there to be there without judging it. Now slowly open your eyes and think about what you noticed.
Another tip, in case you have not done something to honor your pet, it is so helpful to do something memorable for your pet.
I was so fortunate to have friends who understood the pain of pet loss. I had no idea how much I would hurt when I lost my Yorkie, Rio. Fortunately, my friends knew! I received flowers, charms with my sweet baby’s face. I got cards and even the vet gave me a mold of his paw print. I felt so supported. But I know this is rare. Most people dont have friends that get it. Heck, my own family doesn’t get it. If nothing else, I hope this note lets you know that you are not alone. You’re not weird. You are not too much. You are grieving. Grief takes time. You have a big heart. Thats priceless.
Find someone you trust, a friend, a neighbor, someone who has grieved before. Share your pain story with them. If you don’t know the right person, go online and find a good therapist or a grief group. If you don’t see one, call your local churches. I’m sure they have some referrals to grief groups.
Of course, if you want to work with me, you can always call for your Free 15 minute phone consultation:
ArolynBurns.com
